The hardest part in letting go, the primary reason that you just can’t get past it, is the lack of understanding what happened.
The inability to make it make sense.
You’ve reviewed it a hundred times.
And it plays on repeat over and over again.
Still, it doesn’t make sense.
You can’t add it up.
You think if you delete the pictures, the texts, that voicemail, it’ll make it easier to complete the process. But you can’t.
After all, that’s all you have left.
It’s almost impossible to fathom how, for one that never plans beyond next week, you let someone become your world. Then watched helplessly as that world collapsed.
Now, you only focus on tomorrow.
And damn, that pain, that’s the kind of pain that’s going to leave you angry for a very long time. Anger is so much easier to hold onto than sorrow.
Now you sit there in the quiet, refusing to allow the images you treasured, take up space in your head as you drift off to sleep.
Once again cocooned in your pillows.
In the morning you remember, the lessons learned from letting people in and how this one got in deeper and only drove those lessons home.
You keep telling yourself that you knew better. Haven’t the last three years given you enough realizations to know that absolute faith is non existent?