Category: Awareness

It’s fucked up to know, that everything you know about love, was taught by those that never really loved you.

Hold tightly to yourself

Don’t give you away

Safeguard your emotions

And everything you want to say.

As you are walking down your path

Spread your arms out wide

Ensure you stay your course

Don’t let anyone inside

Keep your secrets locked up

There’s no need to expose

Anything that makes you vulnerable

Nobody needs to know

Think twice before speaking

You know you can not trust

Anyone with your truths

Choke on them if you must

Don’t reach for a hand

That you thought would be there

As you are falling

You’ll be grasping thin air.

Don’t forget to wear your smile

Fake though it might be

That is your brave face

What everyone expects to see.

Ask “how are you doing?”

And when they respond in kind

Always laugh a little

When you say “I’m just fine.”

That is how you do it

Safeguarding yourself you see

More important than “I love you’s”

Is “I trusted you with me!”

The hardest part in letting go, the primary reason that you just can’t get past it, is the lack of understanding what happened.

The inability to make it make sense.

You’ve reviewed it a hundred times.

And it plays on repeat over and over again.

Still, it doesn’t make sense.

You can’t add it up.

You think if you delete the pictures, the texts, that voicemail, it’ll make it easier to complete the process. But you can’t.

After all, that’s all you have left.

It’s almost impossible to fathom how, for one that never plans beyond next week, you let someone become your world. Then watched helplessly as that world collapsed.

Now, you only focus on tomorrow.

And damn, that pain, that’s the kind of pain that’s going to leave you angry for a very long time. Anger is so much easier to hold onto than sorrow.

Now you sit there in the quiet, refusing to allow the images you treasured, take up space in your head as you drift off to sleep.

Once again cocooned in your pillows.

In the morning you remember, the lessons learned from letting people in and how this one got in deeper and only drove those lessons home.

You keep telling yourself that you knew better. Haven’t the last three years given you enough realizations to know that absolute faith is non existent?

You’ve got to get out of the business of apologizing for being YOU!

It’s BS to hear “in order for things to change, you have to leave your comfort zone”. Who in their right mind would trade a bed of Roses for a bed of nails? That’s what it’s like you know, trading up what brings you peace, for the sake of appeasing others.

Saying that you’re single these days, implies that you’re in the market and up for grabs. When the truth is, quite possibly, you’re enjoying the freedom of solitude.

Yes, I said FREEDOM!

What started out as an exhale, (when you arrive home and close the door behind you. And all around you is your space. Your things where you left them. Nobody there forcing you to be on duty) becomes a gulp of fresh air.

Solitude, can be the most loving embrace that you’ve ever been in. Such a welcome reprieve from the judgements of others.

As a society, we have evolved into a culture that now lacks the qualities that make us most Human.

The minds ability to grow an active imagination, has been replaced by a pill for ADHD, OCD etc., which cause lifelong side effects and fuel a mental madness.

We self bombard not only our minds, but also our emotions with violence, drugs, and pornographic images, that it has desensitized us all. Very few now have the capacity to show compassion, empathy, true loyalty, integrity or honor.

We’ve become the most selfish, self absorbed, emotionally absent, deviant society this world has known. It has taken away our awareness of others, and the ability to be fully present.

In the name of Acceptance and tolerance…we have sunk to an all time low of morals and code of conduct.

Embracing our inner selves, has split individuals in half. Between their reputation vs their character. Please stop confusing the two. The reputation is who people think you are. While your character is who you are.

Our founding Fathers are probably rolling over in their graves. Full of disappointment and disgust at the way we have chosen to misinterpret and convolute the laws. To bend and manipulate them for self gratification.

I think God must look down upon us and shake his head. Like a parent with a child of maturity, He probably regrets giving us the gift of “Free Will”, for we are no longer capable of choosing what’s best for our society as a whole, nor following the Ten Commandments. Has everyone forgotten?
He has done all he can for us. I wonder, does He ever pause and perceive us as his one “what if” I had not created them?

RaenellDawn

I love the sounds the night makes.

The birds that start singing, calling their young ones and mates back home. The parents that call for offspring because dinner is being served. And that last train East bound, rumbles and whistles to clear the tracks, as the sun starts to set.
The few hours of silence as some settle in for the night and others awaken for it. The bushes that rustle as night stalkers make their way through. The hoot owl and screech owl calling out, as if to say “did you see that?”
The packs of coyotes in separate areas that say to each other “that’s your hunting ground, this is MINE”.
The stars and moon that shine light on the nocturnal, that can’t be seen during the day.
That lonely low key whisper of the 3 am train that travels through towns hoping to go unnoticed.
The porch light that comes on because the family pet said it should, and you peer through the window wondering “is someone or something out there, or did you really have to pee again?”
Then the final hour, when it’s the darkest before dawn. When everything has found its place and nighttime moves along. The silence then is deafening. A much welcomed reprieve from the daylight that surrounded you and noise that never seems to leave.
I marvel at the sunrise and its arrogance to think that it was there faster, but first the darkness had to blink.
RaenellDawn 04/13/2017

On a Greyhound bus bound for Kansas City, I turned David Allen Coe onto Rod McKuen. Rode around in a limo with Joan Jett in Virginia Beach. Sat and talked with John Waite in Copley Square. David Cook was my hometown bartender. Used to hangout backstage with Bono, the Edge and the crew. Drank wine with Prince and dined with government officials. I knew sportscasters, ball players, judges and police chiefs. Served patrons that turned out to be murderers. Nurtured the young, pampered the old…what I learnt most is, that they are all just people. There’s the face that you see, the personality they show the world. But outside the limelight…they are people you don’t know at all.

You see the book sitting there, yet you keep cleaning around it. You know if you pick it up, you’ll become engrossed by the words written within. You know the author, the characters, the landscape.
Eventually you stop. You reach for it, scan the introduction while getting comfortable.
A few chapters in, it becomes all too familiar.
You know how the story plays out before you turn the page. In your mind, you see it all happening. You go from feeling everything to complete detachment and back again.
Sometimes you skip ahead, sometimes you go back, but slowly you realize that you’re holding on to the same page. Re reading the same paragraphs over and over. That page alone, is what the story is all about.
It’s your Biography. Filled with pictures and memoir’s. Laughter, love and hidden truths jump from the pages. You travel back in time, your minds eye watching it all over again. You pause, replay, fast forward and stop.
Still, you find yourself, grasping tightly to that one page. Torn between ripping it out, crumbling it in your hands, setting it on fire till the ashes blow away or lovingly smoothing it out, bookmarking the page because without it the story goes away.
Aug 15,2016. 4:24am