Month: February 2018

Daddy always said
With a twinkle in his eyes
Daughter you came out stubborn
Doctors couldn’t make you cry.
Yes, you got mad
Your skin turned bright red
But you wouldn’t scream
And those doctors said
There must be something
Wrong with this child
But I knew that your heart
It was born pure wild
You learned how to run
Before you could crawl
Never let anyone close
Kept your back to the wall
Where you could dart
This way or that
Away from eyes upon you
Wherever they sat
You would get so angry
And just hold your breath
Till you collapsed on the floor
And we witnessed your death
I would scoop you up by your ankles,
Give you a spanking
Till you breathed again
And I was thanking
The good Lord above
For this wonderful blessing
Then off you’d go
And I’d revert to cursing
As your heart got bigger
So did your mind
The wanderlust took you
To all the places you could find
Full of adventure
With no sense of fear
Till the calls came
And I heard your tears
“I’m so sorry Daddy,
That I am gone
But I’m okay
Please carry on
It’s so big
This beautiful world
And no matter what
I’m still your little girl
Remember that I am
A spitting image of you
And no matter what Daddy,
I love you too.

RaenellDawn

I’ll open the door with a sentence
Before you ring the bell
Your lack of response says
More than words will ever tell.
You just stand there looking blindly
At me and then the floor
Then you turn slightly sideways
You don’t want to hear no more.
So the words will go unspoken
The feelings be suppressed
All my truths are too binding
And make you feel oppressed.
The depths at which I swim
You dare not even tread
You fight a bloody battle
But yet you fear my head.
When my words go unspoken
And to the corner I am cast
At any given moment
The chance could be your last.
I won’t stand indefinitely
In the doorway you see
If your eyes don’t look up
You can’t see me.
The silence will tell
What needs to be told
and the shadow you cast
Just lets in the cold.
Please keep on walking
Don’t hesitate
Either enter or leave
So I can close the gate.

RaenellDawn

Solitude
Feels good to me
I wear it well
My own company.
I’m fully present
Keenly aware
Of those that take up space
But aren’t really there.
Those that say
“You never call”
Are the same ones
That haven’t called at all.
And me, I won’t make
The first move each time
I’ll distance myself
Till I cross their mind.
Let them make the effort
To stay in touch
The burden for one
Is just too much.
I become quite comfortable
And it’s a welcome reprieve
The isolation, that surrounds me
When everyone leaves
For months and years
When they just go away
And you don’t even wonder
What happened that day
The last time you saw them
The last time you spoke
Would it have been different
If you had known?
I’ve become adept
At never saying goodbye
Letting people go
In the blink of an eye.
If leaving me
Is so easy to do
Why should I hurt
Over losing you?

RaenelDawnContinue reading

I write about what disturbs me, what I love and fear
I put it all on paper
Words others, will never hear.
The pen held in my fist
Does not turn away
It waits so patiently
For what I need to say.
And though the paper may be damp,
From tears not brushed aside,
It still offers me solace, saying
Here…you must not hide.
So I pour forth the emotions
The anger and the pain
Now the paper is slightly crumbled
Yet chooses to remain.
Silently begging,
taunting too
As 3 am shouts
There’s more inside of you.
The pages are filled
Dry, now is my pen
I split myself open
Through the words within.
Another book now
Placed on the shelf
I don’t need a mirror
To look at myself.
If you look for me
I can only be found
On the coffee table
I’m leather bound.
The inscription inside
Will read like this
It was here
That I loved…
Here That I lived!
RaenellDawn

02/08/2017 & 8:58 pm

Good morning 2 am
Again, its you and me
Whisper to me gently
While I grab my coffee.
Come sit beside me
on the sofa there
You’ve got my full attention
Tell me please, what did you hear.
What did the winds tell you
As the clouds rolled by
Blocking out the moon
In the early morning sky.
The night trains whistled
And the railroad tracks groaned
The river raged downstream
Along the streets of your home.
Telling the breeze
That gently blew
“Go find her,
She needs you”
Tell her the shadows
That dance through the day
Weep at sunset
From what they need to say.
The sun will not listen
It just burns in the sky
Full of self importance
Though it’s weaker than the night.
The Daylight holds secrets
It doesn’t want known
That drift apart like dust
But eventually are shown.
For the midnight hour
When embers glow
You can see them clearly
The night ensures you know.
The wind gathers speed
From all its been told
The weight is immense
It’s too much to hold.
Rushing to find her
It must arrive before dawn
To unburden itself
Before moving on.
It blows through the window
Surrounding me and 2 am
In a tornado of voices
I absorb and understand.
My God, it is heavy
Is this mine, to also bear
All alone in the darkness
Pen and paper there.
Feverishly writing
The wind speaks so low
Rapidly disclosing all
Before it must go.
As the sun starts to rise
And the breeze fades away
She knows daylight will blind you
From what the night has to say.
She’ll set down her cup,
Lay aside paper and pen,
Whispers of her gratitude
Float away with the wind
RaenellDawn
02/09/17 @ 3:34 am

I love to sit in spaces
When it’s dark, and I’m alone
To think about my life
Where it is, That I come from.
I’m divided into segments
Where I lived year to year
Scattered across the country
And in those that I hold dear.
The outskirts of LA,
A small river town
The shore of the Atlantic
Is where I can be found.
There are scraps of me on people
That took pieces of me each time
Sought solace in their presence
And sanctuary I would find.
The stranger at the restaurant
That took my hand and asked
“Honeychild, why you running
What you leave, you can’t get back”
The bum behind the bushes
His blanket that I took
I returned it later
And he gave me this look
So much we exchanged
Of ourselves to each other
As he held my hand I knew
He would be with me forever.
All the kids playing hopscotch
At the city park
Their laughter on the wind
I loved them till dark
When they raced home
With the setting sun
My smile was given
To each little one.
The friendships that came
For just a short time
I hold pieces of them
That will always be mine.
The lovers I knew
And faces I learned
Their lessons and touch
Will forever burn
A cauterization,
Never meant to heal
Leaving Open wounds
I’ll always feel.
As the sun
begins to rise
My life playing out
In my minds eye
I marvel now
How I am whole
When I leave pieces of me
Wherever I go.
RaenellDawn 02/11/2018