Keep your distance
Don’t get too close
I’m just someone
You’ll never know
You might see layers
Every now and then
Though I speak my truths
I won’t let you in
I stay in my shelter
Guarded from pain
Though I might veer
I won’t leave my lane
On rare occasions
I might look out
Just to see if the world
Is still turning about.
Though I’ll stay right here
To my shell, I am bound
I have walked out there
But didn’t like what I found.
It’s toxic and repulsive
Morals are gone
There’s an ugliness to it
That I hide from.
Don’t ask for my secrets
You’ll receive half truths
Protecting my inner self
Is just what I do.
RaenellDawn 02/05/2018
So many fear Pandora’s box, opening a can of worms, and rocking the boat. These are the ones that are shallow. The ones that say “I’m an open book”, but in truth, the book is a locked diary. The ones that are about pretense and shy away from exposure. The ones that view honesty as admitting to what is already known facts, not secrets disclosed and loyalty is just “what they don’t know, can’t hurt them”.
The definition of honor is lost. It’s a defined line, not a blurred one.
Relationships of any kind, with anyone, require full disclosure and authenticity.
You must place more value and effort on strengthening and maintaining these relationships in order to achieve the highest form of bonding and intimacy.
Who really doesn’t crave or acknowledge the NEED to have absolute faith?
RaenellDawn 08/16/2017
Accountability
It’s infuriating to me, this new thing in our society.
“You decide your feelings and reaction to those that hurt you”
I call bullshit to this!
It’s proclaiming that what one feels is invalid. Placing the blame of hurt feeling on those wronged instead of those who wronged you. Since when have we become a society of unaccountability?
Each and everyone of us has hurt someone deeply. Either by words or actions. It is our responsibility to accept full ownership of those choices and endure the consequences.
Where has empathy gone? Just because we don’t want to hear or see how our actions have hurt someone, none of us get to simply decide that we didn’t hurt them.
We can not ask for forgiveness without sincerely bearing witness to what we have caused.
Will it be hard to endure? Absolutely! But not nearly as painful as it is to the one suffering.
Then we must be consciously aware, that although the apology, like a bandaid, covered the wound so that it could heal, when you rip away there will always be a scar.
RaenellDawn 08/17/2017
I speak from my heart
I write from my soul
I dig in deeper
Than most people can go.
Darkness surrounds me
Though my light might shine
Pen and paper keep rhythm
In perfect time.
Most of my stories
Will end up just words
Surrounded by people
Yet nobody heard.
On rare occasions
When they are seen
People often comment
“You could of been writing about me”.
I provoke awareness
I make people think
But at the end of the day
It’s just a lot of spilled ink.
Rawni
I was 17 and sitting at my Daddy’s feet. Pouring out a heart that was filled with teenage emotions.
He patted my head while holding my hand and said “I knew the day you were born, though it was raining, you were the storm. I watched as you grew, and life happened to you that storm of water would eventually becomes freezing rain.”
I asked him what he meant, and he replied with this.
“On the playground you always sought the kids playing alone. You befriended them. Made them laugh.
Kept them entertained. Then their friends would show up, off they would go, leaving you behind. You never approached them again. Eventually, you no longer wanted to go to the park. You were nine years old when you threw out your dollies and I couldn’t get your nose out of books.”
The Clock
There’s a clock on the wall
That’s never kept time
It ticks away every moment
But has never once chimed.
It faces the room
Where most living is done
Watching over those living here
All of us or just one.
It stopped the day
I walked through your door
The second hand repeating
The second before.
Have you ever wondered
What it’s trying to say
Are we going to fix it
Or leave it this way?
It represents our life
How suspended we are
After years together
We haven’t made it very far.
It doesn’t spring forward
Nor can it fall back
Just silently bears witness
To all that we lack.
I often sit here
At 2 am in the dark
Wondering if it’s waiting
For me to leave, to restart.
Though it’s time is frozen
Ours has moved on
And the clock on the wall shouts
We’ve wasted too much, can’t get back what is gone.
09/24/2016
People say they want to know you, but they really don’t. There are too many layers, too many sides and it’s just too exhausting and uncomfortable for them to expend the tremendous amount of energy, time and dedication that’s necessary to earn the security clearance of “I trust you with me” required in order for you to physically be able to peel away your own layers…like clothing, exposing yourself to them. Very much like dropping your armour in the midst of war. Standing there alone on the battle ground, naked, wielding your sword above your head. Challenging them. They are not an enemy, but a threat to your survival, none the less.
An outstretched hand is a true sign of bravery and courage.
Standing immobile is like waving a white flag, admitting defeat. Your war is not worth their sacrifice.
You leave the field whole. Adorned once again in your armour, covering up the wounds no one has a right to know they’ve inflicted.
October 1, 2015
Everyday we find ourselves saying “it really is a small world”, but our own little piece of the universe seems so overwhelmingly big. We get pulled in so many directions that we become like taffy…pulled too thin. So you find yourself wondering what you can do to simplify your life. You contemplate what your purpose is in the big scope of things.You question how people would react if you started saying ‘no, I need time for me”. Time to get caught up on sleep, enjoy coffee with the sunrise, eat a lazy breakfast, call a friend a loved one to feel a little grounded. Time to connect. Time to stop and smell the flowers you had no idea were blooming.
RaenellDawn
It’s the ones left unfinished,
I go back and read,
where the writing just stopped…
tears made the ink bleed.
I lost the rhythm,
or I ran out of time,
the words got jumbled
In my fragmented mind.
Do you know what this means
For someone like me?
Only a portion of that pain
Was ever set free.
The rest is trapped
Inside my soul
Buried in darkness
Becoming a demon, don’t you know.
That’s how it is
And I will not lie
Insurmountable anguish
Well, it never dies.
If you have to hold onto it,
If no one sets it free
It takes on a life of its own
Becoming another beast inside of me.
I know my demons well
They always carry me through
Pushing me back into the light
Saving me more, than people ever do.
Never ask me to shun them
They’re already buried alive
If you look closely enough
You’ll see they watch through my eyes.
RaenellDawn 10/01/2017
Set Apart
You feel it creeping in
Starts in the middle of your spine
Spreads throughout your bones
Still, you whisper you are fine
Your words go unspoken
Your lips do not speak
Just a half hearted smile
And truths that you keep
Buried in the corners
Of your ravaged heart
Your mind becomes twisted
And sets you apart
From the rest of crowd
In the room milling about
They’ve known you for years
But can’t figure you out
They say hello from a distance
Or as they pass by
Quickly stepping around you
And diverting their eyes.
You know their truths
The narcissistic egos
A glance in their direction
Leaves them feeling exposed.
You make them self conscious
And painfully aware
Their skin starts to crawl
From your deadpan stare.
They’re putting on a show
To convince others you see
Reputation is not character
For it lacks integrity.
RaenellDawn 12/09/2017