Bootstraps

DaddyLeave a comment

Daddy always told me

“Pull up your bootstraps girl!”

Even though he knew

I walked barefoot through this world.

There’s something about bare feet

When planted firmly on the ground

As you navigate your way

Through what life brings around.

It’s grounding in a way

The peace and clarity you find

That no church has ever offered

And no priest can define.

When walking through the woods

You feel the quiet more than hear

Feeling the cool grass beneath

Your mind and heart begin to clear.

While sitting on the river bank

With wild water up to your knees

This is where you find your strength

And your soul it washes clean.

The trees become your temple

The sky, your cross, where you kneel

Speaking freely to the universe

You find salvation, and you heal.

Daddy knew that those bootstraps

Were only imaginary for me

For some, God made paths

Meant only for bare feet.

Sunday perspectives…

AwarenessLeave a comment

Self checkouts have taught us to prefer shopping online, and avoiding the hassle.

The anchor stores at the mall have closed.

Grocery stores filled with quick cooking alternative meals, and restaurants packing city blocks offering up DoorDash free delivery, families no longer eat home cooked meals around the kitchen table while talking about their day.

Smart phones loaded with Social media apps, have caused us to lose the ability to effectively communicate in person. However you’re feeling, I’m sure there’s a meme to relay it.

GOD & Daddy Unserstand

PoemsLeave a comment

Let’s look at the shit nobody talks about,

Like the razored sharp edges on your skin,

The scars, the burns, the bruises

The evidence of where you’ve been.

Let’s talk about the nightmares

That keep you awake

And the demons in your head

That you can never shake.

Let’s scream out the anger

That you’ve never gotten over

That’s become your lifeline

Where you’re suspended forever.

Let’s scutinize the pain

You didn’t quite deserve

But you grasp it like a treasure

As if it’s a trophy well earned.

Let’s hear all those thoughts

That you keep to yourself

The dirty little secrets

You guard so well.

Let’s feel the torment

That you keep inside

That nobody see’s

Because you learned how to hide.

Let’s shelter the truth

You can’t let others see

Convincing yourself that

“They’ve no right to me”.

Let’s splay open the emptiness

The hollowness you keep

All the reasons why

Everybody stays at arms length.

Let’s talk about your fear

Vulnerability you won’t allow

How the words “love” & “happiness”

Are mythical to you now.

Let’s disclose why you fight

To maintain the peace you’ve found

For one day they’ll all wonder

Why you never made a sound.

Let’s

PoemsLeave a comment

Let’s look at the shit nobody talks about,

Like the razored sharp edges on your skin,

The scars, the burns, the bruises

The evidence of where you’ve been.

Let’s talk about the nightmares

That keep you awake

And the demons in your head

That you can never shake.

Let’s scream out the anger

That you’ve never gotten over

That’s become your lifeline

Where you’re suspended forever.

Let’s scutinize the pain

You didn’t quite deserve

But you grasp it like a treasure

As if it’s a trophy well earned.

Let’s hear all those thoughts

That you keep to yourself

The dirty little secrets

You guard so well.

Let’s feel the torment

That you keep inside

That nobody see’s

Because you learned how to hide.

Let’s shelter the truth

You can’t let others see

Convincing yourself that

“They’ve no right to me”.

Let’s splay open the emptiness

The hollowness you keep

All the reasons why

Everybody stays at arms length.

Let’s talk about your fear

Vulnerability you won’t allow

How the words “love” & “happiness”

Are mythical to you now.

Let’s disclose why you fight

To maintain the peace you’ve found

For one day they’ll all wonder

Why you never made a sound.

Mary Lou

DaddyLeave a comment

I banished every picture

That Daddy had of you

A razor knife silhouette

Remains on just a few.

For your image these days only

Incites anger and bitter hate

We can not stand the sight of you

And for Karma, we all wait.

I built a fire in the yard

To cast you down into

You’re the epitome of evil

God has seen what you do.

I criticize myself

For being blind for so long

We pray you have a painful death

We will all be happy when you’re gone.

I wish that I could witness

The shock upon your face

When Peter quite explicitly

Points out your fall from Grace.

I hope the sins of this mother

Fall on your children too

For they are just as guilty

And just as greedy as you.

I pray your cold heart

Disintegrates like sand

When the Lord removes you from the book

With his very own hand.

And as you go falling

Into the fiery pits of hell

We’ll all be singing hallelujah

And rejoicing as well

Father’s Day

DaddyLeave a comment

Daddy was my confidant

The first to hold my hand

The strong shoulder I leaned upon

My daily a.m.

We planted things together

Stood back to watch them grow

He said I was his sunshine

He’ll always be my HERO,

He gave me a moral compass

Told me to be a guiding light

He taught the definition of integrity

And standing up for what is right.

He gave me my first engraved pen

Leather bound notebooks too

He said it’s just like praying

When you write it out of you.

He held me on his shoulders

So I could see the world

I traveled miles on his boot clad leg

So happy to be his little girl.

When the Parkinson’s came

It was my turn to hold

Those shaking hands

That somehow got old.

It was now my turn

To guide the way

To show him I loved him

Each and every day.

We went on adventures

To his childhood home

We’d sit and I’d listen

About the life he’d known.

Lord thank you for the laughter

That we shared everyday

He called me by name

Till he went away.

I’d sat with him

The day before

Holding tight to his hands

I sat on the floor.

We both dozed off

And I awoke to find

His tear filled eyes

Staring into mine.

He whispered

“Don’t worry, we’ll be alright”

I responded with

“Daddy, I’ll catch you, on the flip side.”

The  very next day

With all gathered round

When his pulse had ceased

And no heartbeat was found.

I held tight to his fists

And kissed his cheek

Then repeated the words

He’d said to me.

“Don’t worry Daddy we’ll be alright”

And at that moment

GOD vanquished his light.

I rejoiced with my Dad

When he was pulled from that room

Whispering “I’ll catch you on the flip side,

I’ll be seeing you soon.”

So my first year without him

This Father’s Day

I recall only the love

And how we’d say

“You are my HERO”

To this little girl

“You are my Sunshine”

You are my world ♥️♥️♥️

Happiness

PoemsLeave a comment

“What are you most afraid of?”

I’ve been asked so many times

Showing vulnerability

Was always foremost in my mind.

I learned to view it as a weakness

For it could be ransomed over me

I grew to hide it very well

And not let anybody see.

Lest they use this fear against me

Take all my secrets and depart

Carrying it like loose change , you see

And not safely in their heart.

Then one day it occurred to me

During a moment of pure bliss

It was never vulnerability I feared

But what came with it, happiness.

For when I’m truly happy

When my soul begins to shine

That’s when life will steal from me

What I was never meant to find.

They say happiness is fleeting

And I declare this is so

It’s a momentary embrace

I’ll never really get to know.

The way it wraps around you

Like a sheltered cocoon

And just when I believe in it

It’s taken away to soon.

That feeling of joy

That puts a bounce in my step

Always makes me stumble

When the reality sets

In to remind me

Happiness is brief

Just give it a second

And it will leave.

So now when they ask me

“What is it I fear”

I whisper “being happy”

So quietly, they can not hear.

Safeguard

AwarenessLeave a comment

Hold tightly to yourself

Don’t give you away

Safeguard your emotions

And everything you want to say.

As you are walking down your path

Spread your arms out wide

Ensure you stay your course

Don’t let anyone inside

Keep your secrets locked up

There’s no need to expose

Anything that makes you vulnerable

Nobody needs to know

Think twice before speaking

You know you can not trust

Anyone with your truths

Choke on them if you must

Don’t reach for a hand

That you thought would be there

As you are falling

You’ll be grasping thin air.

Don’t forget to wear your smile

Fake though it might be

That is your brave face

What everyone expects to see.

Ask “how are you doing?”

And when they respond in kind

Always laugh a little

When you say “I’m just fine.”

That is how you do it

Safeguarding yourself you see

More important than “I love you’s”

Is “I trusted you with me!”