My intuition must have told me
I must have felt it in my bones
That you would give up so easily
Somehow, I must have known.
Though it doesn’t stop the heartache
Or disillusionment that I feel
I replay those last 10 minutes
Just to see if it is real.
I keep my phone on silent now
Because I just don’t give a damn
I know it’s only work
When it rings at 3 a.m.
I tell myself it doesn’t matter
You’re the one that walked away
I want to write you a letter
But I’ve no idea what I would say.
So I’ll do what’s customary
What’s typical you see
I’ll pour it onto parchment
Till I get you out of me.
I don’t want to hold this pen anymore
Yet I can’t seem to lay it down
Until I excavate the destruction
From my heart to which it’s bound.
I ask myself in hindsight
Knowing what I now know
If I had to do it differently
Would I still respond to your hello.
Since my pen is truthful
It can not seem to lie
I never would have answered you
Had I known you’d say goodbye.
I didn’t need to wake up
I didn’t need to believe
That God had really made someone
Especially for me.
I wish you’d left me sleeping
Said “hello” and moved along
For a moment I held everything
Now everything is gone.
